Trust

Ach! Two posts in one night! Oh well, it's an epiphany moment.
So, my mom and I were talking about my current...erm..."relationship" and we came to an interesting realization.
It is unbelievably hard for me to truly trust anyone.
Don't get me wrong: I trust my friends, especially my sisters, but, well, let me put it this way. Whenever, in my past, the idea of doing trust falls came up, I would try it. The problem is, it doesn't matter if I know, without a doubt, that the person behind me will catch me, I cannot let myself fall, at least not all the way. I start to fall, but I catch myself before my partner has a chance to catch me. I interpret this only one way: when it comes down to it, the only person I trust to catch me is myself.
That is so sad.
I know all of my friends have my back; I know that they will try their damnedest to catch me when I fall. But how can they if I don't let them?
Well, the other night, the same night as the "huge" change I alluded to earlier, there came a moment when the person I was with put a makeshift blindfold on me. That scared the hell out of me--I had no clue what he was going to do, and I was suddenly terribly worried that I had made the wrong choice and that I was going to make a fool of myself, or worse. But my companion was suddenly so gentle, as if he knew what I was feeling, and then I didn't care anymore. I trusted that he would listen to me, and that he was more concerned for me than himself.
It was just one of the lessons I opened myself to that night (trust me, there were several). He's a good guy, and a great friend; I seriously underestimated him. He's not the "one", I don't expect him to be. But I know he is the guy who's gonna push me towards where I need to be. Whether he means to or not, he's teaching me, one thing at a time.
Maybe by the end, I'll be able to let someone catch me before I catch myself.

Arika