Ugh.....hmm.....eh....

Well I have had a whirlwind three weeks! I was on vacation for two weeks, and while I was there I am proud to say I finally found out what true happiness feels like. Several times on the trip, I experienced an extreme spike in happiness to the point that it was all I could do not to bawl my eyes out. I loved the feeling, but I was worried at the same time, so I confided in my dad about the odd feeling. He explained it like this: "That's a good thing dear. You see, crying is a way of releasing stress. You are relaxing so much, that all of the pent up stress you have been holding in is finally getting out, luckily in a positive way. And that's ok, because you're on vacation, it's what you're supposed to do!" and he finished with, "Vacationing: you're doing it right." Needless to say my dad is one of my favorite people right now. Getting back to the happy though, the thing that makes this so profound is that I have never actually been that relaxed. In comparison, I didn't even know what relaxed was. I know I have always had trouble releasing, but to have it all come out like that--it felt fantastic. Now, I must admit, previous to that vacation, I was in what could be considered an unhealthy relationship. I wasn't dating the guy, but it definitely wasn't good. When I was on vacation, I had two dreams, after which I found I wasn't interested in him, and, for whatever reason, I found myself somewhat sickened at the thought of him. Well, it was all fine and dandy when I didn't see him on a regular basis, but when I got back to work I had to. Well, first day back, he smiled at me, and made a comment about how tan I'd gotten, and I thanked, and replied that I was--indeed!-- tanner, and then he went and sat down, and, with some crazy amount of strength I was unaware I possessed, I ignored him the rest of the day. And every day after that! The happiness from before surged and I felt absolutely liberated, like I was a brand new person. Then there was the added bonus of a very close friend from far away coming to visit, and four lovely days with him (as he was staying at my house). But now, alas, he is gone again, and a familiar lonely sensation has returned. It will pass eventually, I'm sure, but for now, I'm looking for that strength I had before. And the giddiness. Well, that about sums it up! Aiden will be home in about 2-3 weeks, and we'll be whole again for the first time since Christmas! I can't wait! Lots of happiness! Arika :)